Bunch of Oranges

There is a beauty and complexity to my family. We are loud, and we are proud! We are welcoming, and loving, we are supportive, and forgiving! As Letty Cottin Pogrebin said we are "like an orange: a circle of sections, held together but separable - each segment distinct"

My older sister Sherry started sending subtle hints (initially) that she would enjoy if I posted something about "our" family (the Vandale/Courtemanche side)... her hints became less than subtle when my whole family started to ask me when I would write about "our" family. Well, Miss Sherry here's a post for you!

How it all started: Mom met dad on the CB and it was a love story! Then came Vince, Sherry, and myself, throw in a marriage and later a divorce. Things got rough, real rough. My momma took us out of a broken abusive home with NOTHING! NO PLACE TO GO, NO JOB, NO MONEY, NOTHING BUT THE CLOTHES ON OUR BACKS!!! She left and took us with her. And she figured it out. We lived in a woman's shelter for 3 weeks, we were secluded at school and had a secret life for sometime, we watched over our shoulder and lived in fear. I cannot imagine the fear she must have been living through on a daily basis, or the loneliness she felt. My mother has sacrificed so much throughout her life for me and has taught me selflessness; she has worked so hard without complaint, and has taught me self- discipline and work ethic. She always rises to the challenge no matter how huge, or insurmountable it may seem; when her back is up against a wall let me tell you this woman will prevail. My momma is a woman who loves from the depth of her soul, swears with all her might, and laughs from her heart.

My brother Vince and I grew up enjoying each other's company... alright, alright! I probably enjoyed his company more than he did mine. Although, I must admit Vince's friends sure didn't mind my company. As a young girl and into my teenage years I enjoyed playing soccer in the back yard, watching hockey/ball hockey games of his, and I didn't mind taking over his music, video games and room either. The beautiful thing about this relationship is that we never really talked too much and he never really made me feel like I was an annoyance to him. I wasn't his pesty little sister... I guess it helps that I didn't steal his clothes and wear them like a certain sister of his! But, oh boy did he know how to get me to do anything for him(I like to give him a hard time about these two), yup the time he got me to steal a pack of gum from the local convenience store (which I am not proud of) or the time he made me push the Honda around the block by myself. He has always had my best interest at heart and has always shown me in his way that he loves me.

Oh my, oh my! I guess it's Sherry next. There could be a lot or very little to say. Growing up we were like oil and water; constantly bickering, and fighting. She had a loud bark until she found out I got the bite, yup that's right I'm the strongest sister in this family! Although Sherry and I weren't great friends growing up, we sure have developed quite the sisterhood over the past decade. Sherry is willing to listen to me when I am troubled, she withholds judgment and is supportive in my decisions. She can tell me how it is without upsetting me, and she knows she can call me without taking a second look at the clock. We have fun together acting silly and childish and I cherish our laughter.


My little Britt is something special too! Growing up we shared a room to my dismay, and likely hers too? Brittany and I too had a rough relationship growing up as I resented her most of the time... for taking my mother's time and attention and for never being able to have privacy. She was especially gullible, right Bitty? I convinced Britt that she was found in an abandoned garbage bin and started calling her garbage girl. Later I told her as a result of her time in the garbage the fumes gave her "jungle foot", a common side effect of garbage girls. Poor girl was so upset! Like Sherry and I, Brittany and I now enjoy a healthy relationship. I am proud of the steps Brittany is making towards being independent and I am grateful that Jack has a great auntie in her.

My father came back into my life for a brief time before his sudden passing. He was patient while I asked questions, and was honest when he answered them. He made me laugh, and he made me feel loved. I knew that my father's prayers were answered when his children came back into his life and that his heart was over flowing with love. I could see his love for my mother and his deep regret at losing the love of his life. I also know that he was so very proud of her and the children she raised.

The Entire Truth.

I have recently been coming out of a funk that's held me since pregnancy. I'm not sure if being a new mother or life's pressures are what put me there but let me tell you it has been a long lonely road finding my way back to the light of life and myself.

Some of you who know me well, know that I have been struggling emotionally, and unfortunately I have been too embarrassed to let most of you know the depth and of this difficult time. I feared that discussing what troubles my heart would cause stress/worry and we all know this is the last thing I want. We all have our challenges in life; they may be different, harder, tougher, or endless but my struggles are very real to me and I own them.

Anthony has been a life saviour and a great listener throughout this process and I wouldn't have come through as quickly if it weren't for him (if a year and a half is quick). I've mentioned the desire for a good girlfriend and by mistake, good luck, or Divine intervention I received this from someone I was least expecting it from, and I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I am now a lot less embarrassed about my inner struggles and ready to be honest; completely honest. I have been incredibly hard on myself this past year when it comes to losing the baby weight parenting and being a good wife. I have yet to lose all the baby weight and feel like a failure as ALL of my friends have lost ALL their weight (some quite easily); I know that my circumstances are quite different and there are limitations they may not have had to work around but it is still VERY disheartening to be left behind. I am used to being the leader of the pack, confident in my abilities and able to hide my weaknesses.

I absolutely love being a mother, and it brings me great joy. I just never thought that I would lose so much of the "old" me. It saddens me that I forgot about her, neglected her and never stood up for the things she needed. I've done everything for everyone else but it's time for me to take back control. Control of my emotions, weight, and health. I want to put my best self forward in ALL aspects of my life.

Sending out a S.O.S

"In the days of being able to reach anyone anywhere, thanks to cell phones, and Skype, where you can now talk face to face over long distances, I loved the the shelter that speaking through type over a computer screen afforded me. I didn’t have to hear their reactions, or hesitations in their voices, or see it on their faces. People could take my feelings, let them absorb for awhile, and formulate a comment. Or they could read it anonymously, and I would never feel rejected because I wouldn’t know if they read it, or not." Erron Anderson

Oh boy, this says it all and oh how I can relate. For the few times that I have expressed loneliness to family I feel like my feelings are not validated or understood. "If you lived in Edmonton you wouldn't be lonely", this is the same response repeated over and over and is said to make me feel better - but it never does. It makes me feel worse. I simply don't have the heart to let them know how it truly makes me feel (until they read this). I have built my life in Calgary. I don't live in Edmonton, and there are no plans on moving back to Edmonton. I just feel like "if you lived in Edmonton" tampers on my feelings and my decision of where I chose to build my life and raise my children.

I personally struggle living in Calgary as I do not have many close friends to share my motherhood experiences with, and I so deeply desire this. I cope much better now 5 years in than I did the first year - which btw was brutal. There really isn't that one person that I can call in the middle of the night or day for that matter just to talk or spontaneously go do "girl things" with.

I often find myself self coaching as I've used this coping method for years now in different aspects of my life. I feel lonely more often than I care to admit. My simple truth is: I could use a good friend that is not my husband.

"I love when a post gets comments. I love them! I should work harder to comment on the blogs I read. Offering up comments is a form of generosity. I love knowing that, hey, you read my stuff, and you were either moved by it, agree with it, or you have something for me to think about. You can disagree, but comments that are hurtful or defamatory, well, you should keep those to yourself, and move on to other blogs that fit you better, where the writers are thick skinned." Erron Anderson

Sisterhood

I've been reading Kelle Hampton's blog now for a couple of months (thanks Julie) and often find myself inspired by her love for life her children and photography! Some may say Kelle has been thrown some lemons in life(a child with Down Syndrome), but she sure has made some sweet sweet lemonade despite the challenges she faces raising Nella. And what a blessing Miss Nella is!



The joy that children bring is captivating, the challenge HUGE, probably the ONE largest, greatest, time consuming, life changing kind-of challenge there is. My house isn't always tidy (actually it's very infrequent that it is these days and I don`t anticipate this will change any time soon), my hair isn't always done nor the laundry, dinner isn't always made for my husband, and there are toys EVERYWHERE but my little is growing up in an emotionally secure home where it's okay to make messes, have a little dirt under his nails, and play without a diaper even after the numerous accidents that have called for the noisy monstrous water spewing, dirt sucking steam cleaner.

We learn, play and have fun together. We have spontaneous baths in the kitchen sink, read books, finger paint naked (him) and roar rather loudly like lions while terrorizing the house. We've broken a few things, bumped our heads, climbed a few things we shouldn't have perhaps but we are living our lives grateful that we have been blessed.


We are all doing our best.

"Women can be hard on each other" - be it weight, height, beauty, outlook on life or friendship or relationships, parenting you name it.

"We have insecurities and we say things and we hold standards for each other that sometimes aren't fair." Yes, we've all been guilty of this, we all also know what it feels like on the flip side and it ain't pretty. There is more power in lifting others up, than a clumsy push down.

"We can talk about things we shouldn't talk about and do things we shouldn't do", we should start holding each other accountable (in a private and acceptable manner) to really encourage respect for others and ourselves... we are all much better than belittling someone for our own gain.

"We really should be doing more", more for each other and less for ourselves.

"I believe in women and the amazing power we give each other. There are millions of amazing, inspiring, genuine women out there doing their best."

And I am one of them.

Garden Harvest

With September comes fall, one of my favorite seasons and a garden harvest! The cool crisp air, crunchy leaves, home made garden vegetable soup maybe pie? Heart warming or belly warming?

We grew some squash (zucchini and acorn squash). I really wanted Butternut Squash for Jack but wasn't able to find any so we did without. We steamed a few for dinner and used some for zucchini bread/cake which was appreciated by family, friends and Anthony's co-workers. Some was gifted with recipes and hopes that we could inspire others to start a family garden of their own. Watermelon, and cantaloupe also grew, but didn't have a long enough grow period.


We had heaps and oodles of peas, bowls full and a second crop to boot! Our green peas would crunch on first bite, some had a sweet freshness others were tempered by a grassy note. Jack would hand peas (and beans) over the fence to the "girl next door". Could it be love at first bite?

Beans, Beans, Beans... gotta grow some beans!! They were perfect when steamed, added to a soup or eaten alone.





I called Anthony on his work cell one afternoon and was directed to speak to his boss. Our conversation went a little like this: "Alvina, we haven't had any baking lately, why not?" A: " Tell you what Ron, I'll send some with Anthony as soon as you give him a raise." Ron laughs, "Actually, I just gave everyone a raise, I'll enjoy your baking tomorrow." So I pulled some carrots and made carrot cake, seems like a good way to celebrate a raise doesn't it?

We also were able to grow a bunch of other goodies including Swiss chard, broccoli, radish, tomatoes, celery, romaine/green lettuce, onions, green onions, garlic, and strawberries. Our rhubarb (thanks for thinning yours and gifting to us Jen)will need a couple more years before we are able to enjoy it's yummy-ness, and the raspberry bush will take some time too. Our city garden was massive this year and we hope that it will continue to be therapeutic, a source of good healthily food and pride.

My nephews visited for the weekend from out of town and helped harvest the garden. Nolan especially enjoyed the zucchini and Leland went nuts for potatoes... he filled his pant pockets with them until his pants were literally falling off!

We pickled some beets which we will savor on Thanksgiving, and for good measure we pickled some eggs because you have to have pickled eggs when you enjoy a few drinks; and well Anthony plans on drinking.

A great garden harvest warms hearts, and bellies and I think we have done just that!

The Perpetual Gift

Anthony has blessed my life in countless ways: he accepts me, loves me, supports/encourages me, created a family with me and he continues to share so much with me. I can't help but to feel grateful and blessed for this man and the life we have built together. I am so thankful! I've been thinking a lot lately of one of the many precious things Anthony has shared with me: his family.

I love the Bissoon family very much and feel their love and acceptance of me (yet another blessing). I am a daughter to Sharon, a sister to Rohana and Mandy (and I believe Sharon too), and I am an Auntie to Dalton and Breana. I must admit that we (Anthony and I) have landed in "in-law heaven" as our families get along quite well (minus a few silly dramas). I have seen faith at work (Sharon); shown true Christian character (Mandy), deeds and words (Rohana). Starting my relationship with God has been made easier with all your support and for this I will be forever appreciative!

They love us so much they even showed up to our wedding... most of them dressed to impress; Sharon however didn't... her clothes were in a laundry basket with her not on time Bissoon husband! Well, needless to say once those clothes arrived my mother had Sharon stripped down and re-dressed in a minute flat (and I'm NOT exaggerating). Let me tell you people, YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSE TO SEE YOUR MOTHER-IN-LAW NAKED EVER! (Conley would agree) ESPECIALLY ON YOUR WEDDING DAY, man that should have been a good enough excuse for cold feet, but even a naked mother-in-law wouldn't deter my love for Anthony. Our wedding was perfect, and our union is stronger than ever!

So speaking of love and weddings, I am uber excited for Mandy (my sister in-law) & Mike to be getting married!!! I am over the moon happy that Mandy gets to be a bride and have the wedding and life every little girl dreams of.

I'm fly off the roof top over joyed that I am going to be the Maid of Honour! I've been thinking about our friendship a lot lately and remembering many late night conversations, soul searching, mulling over the quiter times in our friendship, the silly giggles, and the love. I am blessed that we are always able to pick up where we left off and am truely thankful for this. Thank you Mandy.

Anthony has given me a gift that keeps on giving.... thank you Anthony and thank you Bissoon family for sharing your lives with me!

Canadian Smile

Anthony comes home from a hockey game and says (with a serious face) "So do you want the good news or the bad news?", this is a question that gets my attention every time. I generally always reply "Umm, the good news I guess." "We have good insurance", Me: "Ugh, okay... the bad news?" as I look up from the computer.

Anthony smiles and I get it. Must have been a Good Ol' Hockey Game!

After repeatedly asking if he's sure it didn't hurt we set our game plan - an obvious one: to see the dentist first thing in the morning and to inquire about accidental dental insurance with our provider.

The next morning Anthony calls me from the oral surgeon's office to tell me that the top left tooth was removed and that his right upper tooth may be saved depending on if any nerve sensation returns (~ 6 weeks wait). Dental surgery... gross, yuck, ouch and he still went to work after.



About a week later Anthony is working and asks to be excused (pointing to his mouth) as he had a hockey accident and explaining just sort of became customary to him (you'd be surprised how many people stare and make judgements). The lady tells Anthony that her husband is a oral surgeon and that he should leave to go see him right away, that she will call his office to make them aware that he is on his way. Later that day I get a call from "Chiclets" after he had seen Dr. Petty and he tells me that a brace was put across the front remaining teeth to try to stabilize them in hopes of saving them. The other teeth were grinded down to reduce the chance of them breaking while eating and eliminate the "ragged" look.

Anthony returned about 5 weeks later to have the brace removed and was x-rayed again and advised that he would be losing the upper right tooth as well as the break was higher than initially thought. Dr. Petty removed the tooth and put in a titanium screw, and did a bone graft (on the left side) as this was previously discussed, and would allow for dental implants to be added once the healing process is complete... dental surgery isn't cheap people!! That night I told him all I wanted for Christmas was his two front teeth!

So as it sits we're now waiting on our insurance provider to reimburse us (hopefully) the full amount we've spent so far, and to approve the cost of the new implants. Estimated total bill for a Canadian smile a whopping $8000...

Sweet Sweet Barbados

After 13 days in Trinidad we headed to Barbados for a family vacation with Jack. We were able to spend some time with the Zendran family as they also went but stayed in a different hotel.

After 2 weeks of constantly being aware of where we were and what we said/how late we stayed out it was a relief to be in Barbados. We could drink the water and flush our toilet! We could stay out past dark, and didn't have to gate ourselves in, thank God for Barbados.



We had a blast swimming, splashing and laughing in the ocean/pool.






We went for long walks on the beach.








Jack managed not to eat any sand the entire trip!






We feed some monkeys at The Barbardo Wildlife Reserve.

We went to Harrison's Cave.

Took some cool photos.

Got some rest.

MADE MEMORIES!!

3 in Trinidad

Three flights and over 19 hours later (each way) we finally can be called crazy! It's a great undertaking when you are travelling long distance AND with an infant. Long flights, change in time and weather can sometimes get the best of people, but we managed very well. Jack did not want to sit anywhere but VIP on Mama's lap, thus his father was able to rest a bit. Jack was nothing short of the perfect child: no crying, screaming or fussing! People would come off the plane and comment how great he did, some that they didn't even know he was on board. On the way home I recall leaning over to Anthony at one point and saying "I don't know why so many women are making travelling with an infant appear so difficult..."

Reconnecting with family was wonderful but even better was watching them all love up Jack (how could they not LOVE him?). Jack sure did draw a lot of attention, he was "the white baby", or more correctly the "white baby with blue eyes". From shopping, driving, or walking down the street we were always being stopped so everyone could admire him. Jack is a true Trini; he took to curry, doubles and coconut water!

Shelley and Lynn's weddings were both beautiful and we are grateful that we were included to share their special days. The Christian ceremony venue was stunning and was a nice treat to have being so far from home, it also allowed all the Trini's a glimpse of what our "western" weddings are like.

Our Indian wedding experience was fantastic: the tassa drummers, the ceremony, good company/conversation, good food, drinks, and dancing, it was simply amazing. Every time Anthony and I go to a wedding we remember our wedding day, our vows, our love and how much our love has grown over the years and how when we got married we never fully understood just how much fuller our lives would become.

Banho Banho Banho!!

Anthony, Jack and I will be attending an Indian wedding in Trinidad so I've elected to wear a Saree since I may not have another opportunity.

The journey of finding said Saree has been a difficult one! My mother-in-law Sharon (who is absolutely wonderful) was kind enough to find me a Saree in Trinidad and bring it home a couple of months ago. For those who have experience buying Saree's know that you must have a petticoat (under garment like a skirt) and blouse made. I am resourceful and crafty but am severely lacking when it comes to sewing so the quest to find a tailor was a must!

I found an Indian store that was going out of business and bought a petticoat for a very reasonable price (yay me!). It wasn't until about a week later that I learned you should bargain down (even in Calgary) and this was after I went and bought all my jewelry at a store that wasn't going out of business... HUMPH! The experience was very overwhelming - being an "outsider" having never shopped for fabrics and jewelry I didn't know where to start so naturally I got some help! The service was much better than I was anticipating and I found that my mom, my sister (Brittany) and I were all enjoying ourselves. It has been such a treat to share this adventure with them and I am grateful that they were so open to this experience - thanks ladies :) Less than a week later Sharon and I went to Bhatia together to buy fabric and jewelry for her and once again it was enjoyable to have good company and good service.

After days of trying to find a tailor I finally got a call from Banho and made arrangements to drive to her house which just had to be on the other side of the city (a full 45 minute drive each way) but I was determined to have a "proper" Saree blouse made.


Banho is amazing! She is a 68 year old widow from Nairobi with 2 grown children. I was expecting to go get measured, discuss what I would like done and review costs then leave... simple right? Well... Banho and I hit it off... after an hour or so of trying to do measurements between looking at family pictures, and chatting I thought it was time to leave, you'd think it was time to leave too right? It's pretty customary for Indian people to invite their guests to join them for tea so naturally this is what she did. I was a little surprised as I am a perfect stranger at this point but I guess what better way to learn about someone than to talk over tea? So I stayed, and enjoyed myself.

Banho was so excited that I would stay for tea that she brought out 7 different Indian treats for me to try, and a treat they were! I enjoyed everyone of them. We discussed ingredients, and how to make each one. She was so happy watching me try everything, which made me happy too.

Banho is a very open minded, forward thinking person, her heart is sweet and pure. She wore a bindi(which signifies that she is a married woman) she told me she came to Canada after her husband was murdered and I couldn't help but tear up. She shared a few memories of him and her journey as a widow. She told me about the struggles of learning English, and driving and providing for herself. After 2 1/2 hours we finally said goodnight with plans that I'd come back for a quick fitting before she did the final stitching.

I though my second visit to Banho would be quick as I was going over in the later evening but Banho wanted to talk again and I just couldn't rush out on her - I was giving her the company that she so desperately was seeking and I was the one truly benefiting as she is such a delight. The fitting took all of 5 minutes, I left after looking through over 50 Saree's, learning about Ganish and an hour and a half later we called it a night.

Her humor and zest for life is contagious. I have a new friend whom I will have to visit every now and then... and a beautiful Saree blouse that will forever remind me of her.

Growin' a Garden

When Anthony and I first started dating 10 years ago I thought that it was kind of strange how much pride he took in his garden. I've always loved Anthony's passion for the "hobbies" in his life and gardening was one of them so naturally I've come to love it too.

A lot of work and 2 years later it feels wonderful to have a backyard that is finally starting to resemble a yard (not a mud pit). The preparation it took to get this garden ready sure was a huge undertaking... we had to remove all the wood chips the builder put down in the retaining wall (12 feet by 8 feet and about 4 inches deep), wheel in 10 yards of garden soil and then plant... planting took me 2 days. We are starting to see the results of our (Anthony wheeled in all the soil for me) hard work as things are sprouting up all over the place.


I don't claim to have a green thumb, actually this year is the 3rd garden I've done, and here's to hoping that this will be my 3rd success. I must say there certainly is something very therapeutic about gardening, maybe it's because this is where I go at the end of my day to relax (weed/water the garden), and I relish the growth and beauty of it by day. Jack seems to like weeding too, and seems to do less damage than the rabbits! I really need to put out some Cayenne pepper or get the fence finished so this doesn't become the Bissoon Gourmet Garden House for rabbits.

On a side note Jack and I admire/inspect the garden a few times a day during which time I talk to him about the different fruit/veggies growing. I have been making all of Jack's food at home and would like for him to have a healthy relationship with food and this starts with knowing where it comes from, how it grows and the factors that affect its growth, I sure hope he grows up appreciating GOOD healthy food.

I've always wanted to try composting to reduce our waste so this is my first year trying it out... so far so good - no smell, flies or animals trying to get into it. Also, a first this year: bird feeders. Jack and I enjoy watching the birds - I need to learn more about them so we can attract more than just sparrows and robins. Now, I need to invest in some rain barrels. I really want 2 but am holding out for a deal (FREE hopefully or gifted... maybe for Christmas?). I'm grateful for all the rain this year in Calgary as I'm sure it has reduced my water bill but may not be so lucky next year so rain barrels are a must.

One day I will have a backyard oasis that I've always dreamed of - oh, but wait then it will be full of yelling, giggling, smiling children... but all too soon the day will come when peace and quiet will return and I will miss those moments so for now I will enjoy and embrace today's yard.

Brain Plasticity

Alright, so I read a book awhile back called "The Brain That Changes Itself" by Norman Doidge and I haven't completely been able to forget it... it is very informative, and I felt encouraged to learn about the endless possibilities of our brains. I know I will not do this topic justice as it is one that requires a lot of time to fully understand and grasp the depth of what our brains are capable of so I do suggest reading the book and/or listening to the documentary.

Recently (within the past few decades)scientists have been researching and proving that the brain is NOT in fact "hardwired" as was previously thought; patients have been benefiting from neurorehabilitation and recovering from brain injuries that were thought incurable!

"Neuroplasticity is the brain's ability to reorganize itself by forming new neural connections throughout life. Neuroplasticity allows the neurons in the brain to compensate for injury and disease and to adjust their activities in response to new situations or to changes in their environment."

"A brain is not a computer. The brain begins working long before it is finished. And the same processes that wire the brain before birth also drive the very rapid growth of learning that occurs immediately after birth. At birth, a baby’s brain contains 100 billion neurons. Before birth, the brain produces trillions more neurons and “synapses" than needed. During the first years of life, the brain undergoes a series of extraordinary changes. Then, through a process that resembles Darwinian competition, the brain eliminates connections that are seldom or never used."

Basically the old way of thinking was "use it or lose it", but that is NOT the case... we can learn new things, remember more and reverse brain damage (not all) caused by injury by making new connections.

The plasticity/malleability of the brain is nothing short of amazing! From sharpening perception, memory, increasing speed of thought to healing learning disabilities, helping stroke victims learn to speak/move again, recovering from brain tumors, curing pain, the ability for the brain to change itself can also help stop worries, obsessions, compulsions and bad habits... so even if you don't have the "biggies" the "smaller" things can also be improved on with a little practice.

The greatest form of brain plasticity is present in a woman named Michelle (29 yo) who was born with only the right hemisphere of her brain (can you imagine only having half a brain and still function?); her development makes it clear that neuroplasticity is no minor phenomenon as it has allowed her to reorganize her brain on a massive scale -- she speaks (fairly normally), reads, and holds part time jobs... all because the right hemisphere of her brain "learned" how to do what the left hemisphere would do.

"The brain compensates for damage in effect by reorganizing and forming new connections between intact neurons. In order to reconnect, the neurons need to be stimulated through activity. In Michelle, the right hemisphere had to evolve without input from the left and learn to live and function on its own."

Pretty amazing right? Well, it doesn't end there...