Summer Maternity

Hello neglected blog how I have missed thee!

It's been awhile since the last post and I'm feeling rather distant from the easy flow of words/thoughts that typically come but I guess this will be the post that will get me back on track.

Work is officially done and I am back on maternity leave and expecting a darling daughter in the next month. Anthony and I have been trying our best to prepare Jack for the birth of his sister - we've read some books with him, he kisses my belly and calls the baby by name (or what we thought would be the name but have since decided we are undecided), he plays in her nursery, and puts his baby to sleep quite nicely. I am confident he will be a great big brother. The journey to come shall be amazing, challenging, life altering and tons of fun!

Anthony's hand is in blue, Jack's "waving hand" is in green and mine is in red.

We've been busy getting the house and yard prepared for summer enjoyment and boy I tell ya it's been difficult with all the rain and now the heat (not to mention the pesty misquotes). Why is it that everything is so much harder when your pregnant and it's hot, and you have to bend down 800 times a day? My days with Jack consist mainly of playing hockey, books, puzzles, coloring, dancing, watering/weeding plants and zoo trips - we manage to do some laundry and stay clean on occasion. I WOULDN'T WANT IT ANY OTHER WAY!

AND WAIT FOR IT... EAT YOUR HEART OUT LADIES!

Jack helping unload the dishwasher before church!



















Happy Day!

A Different Chapter

I've been back at work for a couple of months now and seem to have finally adjusted to the change in our family routine. This morning when I was dropping Jack off at his care provider another family was taking a tour of the facility and meeting the staff, not so unsual but the expression of unknown and raw emotion of the mother is what has stuck with me all day.

Back in September the thought of having someone else care for Jack was so overwhelming for me it took me days to get the strength to call around just to make appointments. The actual process of going to these appointments was something else. I cried before going to each appointment. I cried after each appointment in the car. I could hardley speak to anyone about the transition from maternity leave to going back to work without needing a kleenex.

Today I saw the same unknown fear in the woman who was touring the facility that I had a few months ago. I also have an idea of how hard the rest of her day is going to be. I am sure she will hold her son a little closer, a little longer and cry a few silent tears while she soaks him in wishing for more time.

Today I am feeling relieved that I have made it through the transition from The Maternity to Work chapter of parenting and am feeling rather proud of myself.

Busy Bissoons

It's been a busy few months since the last post so I'll try to catch you up to speed of the happening's around the Bissoon house in a quick fragmented post.

In November we celebrated a little early the first birthday of our sweet sweet Selwyn Jack. It was a very emotional time for both Anthony and I as we were celebrating a successful pregnancy and birth. Over the past year we have reminiscenced about the first ultrasound that introduced us to Jack; the initially small womb movements then the big early morning kicks that would wake Anthony up as my belly was always nuzzled to his back at night. Needless to say labour was not what we were expecting - I was hoping for a medication free, natural vaginal birth... but what we got was two and a half days of labour, no sleep, an epidural, an induction, a baby in distress, an episiotomy, forceps and the birth of our beautiful son ...

It was great to have a day to celebrate Jack and to acknowledge that we've survived the fist year as a family. Jack's birthday was perfect! We had the coolest birthday invitations made in the Netherlands to invite family and friends to his pool party! And the turn out was great. Jack was in his element... he was able to show off his floating and dunking skills and was able to dive into his birthday cake with ease after a homemade lunch. We are grateful for all those who came; it truly does take a community to raise a child and you (yes you!)mean so much to us. The support we have received in the past year has been overwhelming. Thank you!

Jack has changed our lives forever and we are so grateful, so blessed and so thankful that the Lord has trusted us with one of his most special children. The challenge has been great but every effort is rewarded by the smallest hint of a smile, laugh, hug, or the soft sound of his voice saying a new word.

We spent some time in Edmonton visiting family the weekend prior to Christmas so we could have a relaxing Christmas at home in Calgary. We enjoyed the laziness of our day. There were half opened gifts scattered around the house and a huge mess that waited until boxing day. Dinner was the best! It was small, nothing special and took very little effort, yup, it was my idea of perfect.


Anthony's birthday was a few days after Christmas which we celebrated with his family in Calgary. New Years came and went without much celebration. We celebrated my birthday the following day with Vietnamese food at one of my favorite restaurants and it was wonderful.

Bunch of Oranges

There is a beauty and complexity to my family. We are loud, and we are proud! We are welcoming, and loving, we are supportive, and forgiving! As Letty Cottin Pogrebin said we are "like an orange: a circle of sections, held together but separable - each segment distinct"

My older sister Sherry started sending subtle hints (initially) that she would enjoy if I posted something about "our" family (the Vandale/Courtemanche side)... her hints became less than subtle when my whole family started to ask me when I would write about "our" family. Well, Miss Sherry here's a post for you!

How it all started: Mom met dad on the CB and it was a love story! Then came Vince, Sherry, and myself, throw in a marriage and later a divorce. Things got rough, real rough. My momma took us out of a broken abusive home with NOTHING! NO PLACE TO GO, NO JOB, NO MONEY, NOTHING BUT THE CLOTHES ON OUR BACKS!!! She left and took us with her. And she figured it out. We lived in a woman's shelter for 3 weeks, we were secluded at school and had a secret life for sometime, we watched over our shoulder and lived in fear. I cannot imagine the fear she must have been living through on a daily basis, or the loneliness she felt. My mother has sacrificed so much throughout her life for me and has taught me selflessness; she has worked so hard without complaint, and has taught me self- discipline and work ethic. She always rises to the challenge no matter how huge, or insurmountable it may seem; when her back is up against a wall let me tell you this woman will prevail. My momma is a woman who loves from the depth of her soul, swears with all her might, and laughs from her heart.

My brother Vince and I grew up enjoying each other's company... alright, alright! I probably enjoyed his company more than he did mine. Although, I must admit Vince's friends sure didn't mind my company. As a young girl and into my teenage years I enjoyed playing soccer in the back yard, watching hockey/ball hockey games of his, and I didn't mind taking over his music, video games and room either. The beautiful thing about this relationship is that we never really talked too much and he never really made me feel like I was an annoyance to him. I wasn't his pesty little sister... I guess it helps that I didn't steal his clothes and wear them like a certain sister of his! But, oh boy did he know how to get me to do anything for him(I like to give him a hard time about these two), yup the time he got me to steal a pack of gum from the local convenience store (which I am not proud of) or the time he made me push the Honda around the block by myself. He has always had my best interest at heart and has always shown me in his way that he loves me.

Oh my, oh my! I guess it's Sherry next. There could be a lot or very little to say. Growing up we were like oil and water; constantly bickering, and fighting. She had a loud bark until she found out I got the bite, yup that's right I'm the strongest sister in this family! Although Sherry and I weren't great friends growing up, we sure have developed quite the sisterhood over the past decade. Sherry is willing to listen to me when I am troubled, she withholds judgment and is supportive in my decisions. She can tell me how it is without upsetting me, and she knows she can call me without taking a second look at the clock. We have fun together acting silly and childish and I cherish our laughter.


My little Britt is something special too! Growing up we shared a room to my dismay, and likely hers too? Brittany and I too had a rough relationship growing up as I resented her most of the time... for taking my mother's time and attention and for never being able to have privacy. She was especially gullible, right Bitty? I convinced Britt that she was found in an abandoned garbage bin and started calling her garbage girl. Later I told her as a result of her time in the garbage the fumes gave her "jungle foot", a common side effect of garbage girls. Poor girl was so upset! Like Sherry and I, Brittany and I now enjoy a healthy relationship. I am proud of the steps Brittany is making towards being independent and I am grateful that Jack has a great auntie in her.

My father came back into my life for a brief time before his sudden passing. He was patient while I asked questions, and was honest when he answered them. He made me laugh, and he made me feel loved. I knew that my father's prayers were answered when his children came back into his life and that his heart was over flowing with love. I could see his love for my mother and his deep regret at losing the love of his life. I also know that he was so very proud of her and the children she raised.

The Entire Truth.

I have recently been coming out of a funk that's held me since pregnancy. I'm not sure if being a new mother or life's pressures are what put me there but let me tell you it has been a long lonely road finding my way back to the light of life and myself.

Some of you who know me well, know that I have been struggling emotionally, and unfortunately I have been too embarrassed to let most of you know the depth and of this difficult time. I feared that discussing what troubles my heart would cause stress/worry and we all know this is the last thing I want. We all have our challenges in life; they may be different, harder, tougher, or endless but my struggles are very real to me and I own them.

Anthony has been a life saviour and a great listener throughout this process and I wouldn't have come through as quickly if it weren't for him (if a year and a half is quick). I've mentioned the desire for a good girlfriend and by mistake, good luck, or Divine intervention I received this from someone I was least expecting it from, and I feel like a weight has been lifted.

I am now a lot less embarrassed about my inner struggles and ready to be honest; completely honest. I have been incredibly hard on myself this past year when it comes to losing the baby weight parenting and being a good wife. I have yet to lose all the baby weight and feel like a failure as ALL of my friends have lost ALL their weight (some quite easily); I know that my circumstances are quite different and there are limitations they may not have had to work around but it is still VERY disheartening to be left behind. I am used to being the leader of the pack, confident in my abilities and able to hide my weaknesses.

I absolutely love being a mother, and it brings me great joy. I just never thought that I would lose so much of the "old" me. It saddens me that I forgot about her, neglected her and never stood up for the things she needed. I've done everything for everyone else but it's time for me to take back control. Control of my emotions, weight, and health. I want to put my best self forward in ALL aspects of my life.

Sending out a S.O.S

"In the days of being able to reach anyone anywhere, thanks to cell phones, and Skype, where you can now talk face to face over long distances, I loved the the shelter that speaking through type over a computer screen afforded me. I didn’t have to hear their reactions, or hesitations in their voices, or see it on their faces. People could take my feelings, let them absorb for awhile, and formulate a comment. Or they could read it anonymously, and I would never feel rejected because I wouldn’t know if they read it, or not." Erron Anderson

Oh boy, this says it all and oh how I can relate. For the few times that I have expressed loneliness to family I feel like my feelings are not validated or understood. "If you lived in Edmonton you wouldn't be lonely", this is the same response repeated over and over and is said to make me feel better - but it never does. It makes me feel worse. I simply don't have the heart to let them know how it truly makes me feel (until they read this). I have built my life in Calgary. I don't live in Edmonton, and there are no plans on moving back to Edmonton. I just feel like "if you lived in Edmonton" tampers on my feelings and my decision of where I chose to build my life and raise my children.

I personally struggle living in Calgary as I do not have many close friends to share my motherhood experiences with, and I so deeply desire this. I cope much better now 5 years in than I did the first year - which btw was brutal. There really isn't that one person that I can call in the middle of the night or day for that matter just to talk or spontaneously go do "girl things" with.

I often find myself self coaching as I've used this coping method for years now in different aspects of my life. I feel lonely more often than I care to admit. My simple truth is: I could use a good friend that is not my husband.

"I love when a post gets comments. I love them! I should work harder to comment on the blogs I read. Offering up comments is a form of generosity. I love knowing that, hey, you read my stuff, and you were either moved by it, agree with it, or you have something for me to think about. You can disagree, but comments that are hurtful or defamatory, well, you should keep those to yourself, and move on to other blogs that fit you better, where the writers are thick skinned." Erron Anderson

Sisterhood

I've been reading Kelle Hampton's blog now for a couple of months (thanks Julie) and often find myself inspired by her love for life her children and photography! Some may say Kelle has been thrown some lemons in life(a child with Down Syndrome), but she sure has made some sweet sweet lemonade despite the challenges she faces raising Nella. And what a blessing Miss Nella is!



The joy that children bring is captivating, the challenge HUGE, probably the ONE largest, greatest, time consuming, life changing kind-of challenge there is. My house isn't always tidy (actually it's very infrequent that it is these days and I don`t anticipate this will change any time soon), my hair isn't always done nor the laundry, dinner isn't always made for my husband, and there are toys EVERYWHERE but my little is growing up in an emotionally secure home where it's okay to make messes, have a little dirt under his nails, and play without a diaper even after the numerous accidents that have called for the noisy monstrous water spewing, dirt sucking steam cleaner.

We learn, play and have fun together. We have spontaneous baths in the kitchen sink, read books, finger paint naked (him) and roar rather loudly like lions while terrorizing the house. We've broken a few things, bumped our heads, climbed a few things we shouldn't have perhaps but we are living our lives grateful that we have been blessed.


We are all doing our best.

"Women can be hard on each other" - be it weight, height, beauty, outlook on life or friendship or relationships, parenting you name it.

"We have insecurities and we say things and we hold standards for each other that sometimes aren't fair." Yes, we've all been guilty of this, we all also know what it feels like on the flip side and it ain't pretty. There is more power in lifting others up, than a clumsy push down.

"We can talk about things we shouldn't talk about and do things we shouldn't do", we should start holding each other accountable (in a private and acceptable manner) to really encourage respect for others and ourselves... we are all much better than belittling someone for our own gain.

"We really should be doing more", more for each other and less for ourselves.

"I believe in women and the amazing power we give each other. There are millions of amazing, inspiring, genuine women out there doing their best."

And I am one of them.